Teach 2 Dumb Dudes

Terry Tucker - The Motivational Man

June 06, 2022 Joe Bento Season 2 Episode 8
Teach 2 Dumb Dudes
Terry Tucker - The Motivational Man
Show Notes Transcript

This week we're talking to Terry Tucker, Terry has been battling a rare form of cancer for over 10 years and through it all is one of the most positive people Bobby and Bento have ever spoken to. Terry has a unique perspective on life that is as motivational as it is refreshing.  Listen in to hear Terry's story and get the motivation you need this week! Check Terry out at https://www.motivationalcheck.com/

Bobby:

Welcome back to another, teach two dumb dudes. This week, we talked to Terry Tucker. Terry is a motivational speaker and author. He published a book, sustainable excellence, 10 principles to leading your uncommon extraordinary life. Terry was a very, very impressive person. He has been battling cancer for 10 years and somehow not only can stay motivated and positive himself but has now turned to doing so for others. He has a really, really inspiring story and we were very glad to have him on

Bento:

this week. Legit. One of the nicest people I've ever talked to, he really was

Bobby:

a scholar and a gentleman. I need a nice professional looking photo

Bento:

like that. Good luck. Hey. Hey, how's it going? Hey Terry,

Bobby:

how are you? How are you? How are things? Things are great. Thanks. Good. Good. Glad to hear it. Glad to hear it. Thank you so much for taking the time and coming to talk to us on our podcast, teach to dumb dudes. It's you know, it's very often that we get people on who want to tell us, you know, things that are important and are going to ruin the world. And yeah, so we, we certainly like to, to, you know, have the other side on. And so you know, obviously, you know, why I've read about your story and what you've been through. And you know, I just think that the fact that you're a motivational, anything is miraculous. And so God bless you for that. Boston university graduate. You had your book published in October 20, 20 sustainable excellence, the 10 principles to leading at your uncommon and extraordinary life. And I have to say, you seem to have a little bit of

Terry:

both. I, I do. I I'm, I'm very lucky. I, I know I've been battling cancer for 10 years, but I really think cancer has made me a better human being. So I know kind of like you must be brain damaged and

Bobby:

all that. Yeah. That, and that's like, when I was reading, you know, your background and this and that, like, and I was telling bento, you know, earlier, like, I don't know how you do literally anything. Like I know myself and I dunno how I would even put one foot in front of the other. And so, like I said, I think the, the fact that you do what you do is. Unbelievable. And, and I really just commend you for it, you know, because like I said, I don't think I could.

Terry:

You could do it. Trust me. I'm the biggest thing from the world.

Bento:

That's the motivation right there. I don't know. Terry,

Bobby:

you don't know me that well yet.

Bento:

And so just to give our listeners a, you know an introduction, kinda tell us about yourself, Terry, 10 years ago, how all this started and kind of start to like with the person that you were, and then we can, you know, cause you said you were a better person now for us, so I'd be

Terry:

curious. Yeah. I I grew up on the south side of Chicago and I'm the oldest of three boys. You can't tell this from looking at me or from my voice, but I'm six foot, eight inches tall. And I played college basketball at the synagogue. Yeah, exactly. Charleston, South Carolina. And you know, I've got a brother who's 6, 6, 6 foot seven and we pitched for Notre Dame, another brother's six foot six that was drafted by the Cleveland Cavaliers in the NBA. Yeah, my dad was six five. So I sort of joked that if you sat behind our family and church growing up there wasn't a prayer's chance. You were going to say

Bobby:

a

Terry:

tough seats. Yeah, exactly. You know, it's like you better get there early and get in front of the

Bobby:

Tuckers otherwise. Yeah. They, they reserved you guys to seats at that at the

Bento:

way back, spend your entire life in the back row group photos to

Terry:

that was a problem. You know, our mom was five foot eight, so she couldn't see anything. You know, we got to sit in the front row like mama can't sit in the front row, you know, nobody will see anything. Graduated from the Citadel, moved home to find a job. Found that first job in the corporate headquarters of Wendy's international, the, the hamburger chain. Unfortunately I ended up living with my parents for the next three and a half years as I helped my mom care for my father and my grandmother who were both dying of different forms of cancer. As I mentioned, professionally started off with. Then moved to hospital administration and made a major pivot in my life and became a police officer. And part of being a police officer is, and I know you're going to laugh at this. I was an undercover narcotics investigator at six foot eight, you know, so, so I did that and I was also a a SWAT team hostage negotiator then started my own school security consulting business wanted more grief in my life. So it became a girls' high school basketball coach.

Bento:

That was probably harder than

Bobby:

you have. Right. So let me just stop you really quick too. And so meanwhile that you're doing all of these incredible things and not only that, but a lot of these things that you're bringing up her complete one eighties from what you were doing. And I have to admit, I admire anyone who is a Jack of all trades because that's kind of how I view myself. While you're doing all these things. You're also fighting this disease in the background,

Terry:

is that correct? Well, not it wasn't until I became a, excuse me, a basketball coach that I felt cancer. So you know, that was kinda all pre-cancer. And then I was I was a girl's high school basketball coach in Texas, and I had a callous break open on the bottom of my foot right below my third toe. And initially didn't think much of it because, you know, as a coach, you're on your feet a lot, but after it didn't heal for a couple of weeks, I went and made an appointment with a podiatrist, a foot doctor, friend of mine, and, you know, went in to see him. And he took an x-ray. I said, Terry, I think I have a little cyst in there and I can cut it out. And he did. And he showed it through, it was just a little gelatin sack with some white fan in it. No dark spots, no blood, nothing that gave you the one of us concern fortunately, or unfortunately sent it off to pathology to have it looked at. And then two weeks later I get the call from him. And as I said, he was a friend of. And the more difficulty he was having explaining what was going on, the more frightened I was becoming until finally it just laid it out for me. He said, Tara, been a doctor for 25 years. I have never seen this form of cancer. You have a rare form of melanoma that appears on the bottom of the feet or the palms of the hands and because your cancer is so incredibly rare, he recommended, I go to MD Anderson cancer center in Houston and be treated. And so that started the, the ten-year Odyssey that that started back in 2012. So I've been battling.

Bobby:

I don't really want, I will say that the folks at MD Anderson are fantastic. My my wife's mother was diagnosed with a sarcoma and she went there for treatment and they really did help her extend a lot longer than people originally thought. So yeah, those people were fantastic. And I'm sure you had a similar experience there. Oh

yeah,

Terry:

they're there. They're absolutely amazing. And I always recommend to people, if you do have cancer, T to go to a university setting. I mean, it's MD Anderson, but it's the university of Texas at MD Anderson. So it is a university setting because in those settings you will have access to clinical trial drugs that, you know, normal doctors and clinics that aren't affiliated with the university setting don't have access to. And granted 98% of clinical trial drugs don't work. Right. 2% of them do. And that's how we get new drugs and new

things

Bobby:

happen. Yeah. Well, that's what I've always thought too, about those trials like that, even, you know, I had mentioned my wife's mother, she took part in one of those trials and she viewed it as well. If it doesn't help me, maybe the data and the recent. We'll help somebody else after me. And so I think that that's how she viewed those, those types of trials as well. I mean but you know, obviously it's kind of everyone's choice, but I agree with you that that 2% would sound pretty good to me.

Terry:

Yeah. When, when, you know, when you know you're going to die, I mean, why not take a chance? I mean, although a lot of people don't, you know, a lot of people just kind of turn everything, you know what? You got a lot of initials after your name, you must be smart. You know, there's a reason they call it the practice of medicine. I want to be involved in it.

Bobby:

Yeah, that's right. That's right. That's terrific. That's terrific. And so throughout all of this, You know, as Ben had mentioned earlier. So tell us about the, kind of, the type of person that, that you were before, you know, that, you know, you were a hostage negotiator and an undercover officer. Girls' basketball coach. Tell us a little bit, but you know, life was like back then.

Terry:

I mean, I was, I was fortunate, you know, I think you kind of hit the nail on the head. One of the things I learned from, from playing team sports and I started, I started playing, you know, minus nine years old and played all the way up until I was 21. And I think what you learn as part of a team is the importance of being part of something that's bigger than yourself. You know, you realize that on a team that if you don't do your job, you're just not letting yourself down. You're letting your teammates down your coaches, down your fans down, et cetera. And if you think about it, the biggest team game that we all play is this game of life. So I kind of have the same attitude that, that your mother mother-in-law, I believe you said it was, you know, that, Hey, this I'm on a clinical trial drug right now. It may not save my life, but it may save the life of somebody else, you know, five years from now, 10 years from now, based on the data that the doctors are gleaning for me. So you know, I've always mindset has always been a big part of it. I think. High school basketball in Chicago. One of the guys that I was in the same conference with was a player by the name of Isaiah Thomas, who went to Indiana play for Bobby Knight and then went onto the pistons and played played there. So he won a national championship with Knight and a couple NBA championships. And I used to see him in the summer and he, you know, we would talk about our different experience. I mean, I didn't, I mean, I played division one, but not anywhere near what he did. And you know, he, he said, I said, you know, what was it like playing for Bobby Knight? And he's like, you know, he's very intense, but he loves his players. And he said, Knight's got this saying, that goes, mental is to physical as four is to one. So, you know, here's this great coach teaching elite athletes, how to use their bodies to be great basketball players. But what he was really saying with that quote is your mind or your mind. It's four times more important than your, you know, anything you do with your body. So I, I mean, I, I learned a lot of that stuff early in life and was able to kind of codify it or solidify it as I have gone through this 10 year battle with cancer. So, I mean, I've always understood the importance of mindset, but it really kind of has, has all kind of come together during these last 10 years.

Bento:

Wow. Fascinating. So, during your journey through this 10 years obviously probably had to leave your job as a high school basketball coach. what was that 10 years like w w what was, we were working, we were completely

Terry:

out. Yeah. I, I was completely out when, when I had, you know, I went to MD Anderson. Initially they cut the tumor out of my foot. They cut out took out all my lymph nodes. They did a skin graph on the bottom of my foot to close the wound. And then my oncologist put me on a drug called interferon to help keep the disease from coming back. It was not a cure. And the side effects of the interferon were that I had severe flu like symptoms for every every week after each injection a week, a weekly interfering injection for almost five years. And so having the flu

Bobby:

right from the offset, you had those symptoms. Right from right from the offset you had those side effects.

Terry:

Yeah, that's absolutely. It was. I mean, there were times I, I literally prayed to die. It was like, I was so sick of being sick that

Bobby:

it was, you know,

Terry:

this is ridiculous. Yeah, exactly.

Bento:

What did that point kept, kept you going, kept you from just wanting to stop and give it up?

Terry:

My, my family you know, there, I'll tell you a story here in a minute about my family, which is kinda funny, but I, I guess just to kind of end this part of it. So 2017 after I'd been on interferon for five years and yeah. In the intensive care unit with a fever of 108 degrees, which is usually not compatible with being alive, the toxicity of the interferon. So I had to stop it and almost immediately after stopping it, the cancer came back in the exact same spot on my foot, 2018, I had my left foot amputated 2019. The disease worked its way up my leg into my shin, two more surgeries. And the 2020 on an undiagnosed tumor kind of, you know, I guess in my ankle area grew large enough that it fractured my tibia, my shinbone and my only recourse right in the middle of the pandemic was to have my left leg amputated. And I also found out I had tumors in my lungs and that's what I mentioned. I'm still going through treatment for those and, and I'm doing a clinical trial now, but when I had my foot amputee or my leg amputated, my doctor wanted to put me on chemotherapy and I kind of looked at him. Is it going to save my life? It's like, probably not, but it might buy you some more time, you know? And I was eight years into this fight and I was like, well, I don't think I want to do that, but I'll go home and I'll talk to my family. And it's just my wife and daughter and I, and so I go home and I start telling my wife and daughter what what's going on. And my daughter's immediately, all right, we need a family meeting. I'm like family meeting. It's not like we got a board here, sit around the kitchen table. And we each talked about how we feel about me having chemo. And then my daughter's like, all right, let's take a vote. How many people want dad to have chemotherapy? My wife and daughter raised their hand. I don't want to do, but I remember back when I was in the police academy. Our defensive tactics instructor used to have a spring, a photograph of the people we love the most to class. And as we were learning different techniques to defend ourselves, we were to look at that photograph because he reasoned you'll fight harder for the people you love, then you will fight for yourself. So I ended up taking chemotherapy, not because I wanted to, but because I love my family more than I love myself.

Bento:

That's fascinating said that we just actually released an episode today with a hypnotherapist and we talk about quitting smoking. You know, he said, if you told somebody that if you let up one more cigarette, you're going to die. Most people are going to light up and smoke. But if you say light up one more cigarette, you know, and you know, your spouse or your child would die, people will quit instantaneously. So, and it's just kind of reminded me of that mentality. You mentioned that it's like, it's just, it's bigger than yourself at the end of the day. So,

I

Terry:

assume you went ahead with that. Then I did. I took the chemotherapy and it, it really acted as a bridge. To get me to the point where I am now with the clinical trial. I guess, I mean, you guys probably know this, but maybe some of your audience doesn't, you know, chemotherapy, drugs, attack tumors they, they, they attack fast growing cells and tumors are usually fast growing cells, but that's why you lose your hair. Your hair is fast growing. That's why, you know, you throw up because you know, it attacks the cells in your intestines, in your stomach, which are also fast growing the, the clinical trial drug that I'm on now doesn't do anything to the cancer. The way cancer proliferates in the body is that it secretes an enzyme, a protein that hides it from your immune system. And what the drug that I'm on now does is it removes that protein, it removes, you know, that drug or that part that makes the cancer hide from the immune system. So the immune system against like, oh, Hey, that's cancer that doesn't belong now. We'll, I'll be a system to go ahead and get.

Bobby:

Wow, it's going

Bento:

all right.

Terry:

So far. I mean, it's, it is, I, I still had the tumors in my lungs. It has shrunk them a little bit. I am I started this trial at the university of Colorado hospitals with two other people. Unfortunately, those two other people died last year. I mean, I'm, I'm sorta the, the standard bear right now. I'm sort of carrying a flag right now for them, but you know how long you've been on that for A year and a half. Oh, wow. So I go every three weeks to, and I'm there Monday through Friday, I'm treated it's a, it's a nasty drug. I mean, I thought two hours after I get it, I start to shake real violently. I throw up, I have a headache. I mean all the ugly stuff associated with chemotherapy. I haven't lost my

Bobby:

hair yet. I believe

Bento:

hanging on,

Terry:

still hanging on there. I mean, they told me I would, and I, you know, I went to my how come I ever lost my hair? And he's like, well, not everybody does. And really, I've never known anybody

Bento:

that

Bobby:

didn't sell and either good genes. Yeah. Right. I guess. So I guess it's actually, especially all, you know, all you guys playing, playing basketball and you know, you probably getting drafted. That's definitely a good genes. There's not a lot of those families out there, so definitely good genes. So now. What's your focus. If you're not able to work, right. You sound like a fellow who feels like you gotta be working. You gotta be staying busy. So now is that where you turned your, your focus to writing your book and putting your energy in that direction?

Terry:

Yeah. I, I mean, I, when I graduated from college, my dad was dying of cancer and I remember he had end stage breast cancer. And this was in, in the 1980s when they had no idea what to do with men with breast cancer. And they told them to go home and die. I mean, they didn't say it that way, but pretty much that's what they call them. I remember he lived for another three and a half years after that diagnosis. And I believe the reason he did was because he had a purpose. He, he was in real estate. He worked up to two weeks before he died. And so I sorta tucked that away in the back of my mind. And you know, when, when I got into this situation, I was like, you know, I've got to have. Something to do. I've got to have something that's a purpose. I can't, you know, I can, I guess sit around and watch Netflix and, you know, eat ice cream and all that. I needed to have a purpose. So I started a blog in 2019, which actually was, that was a hilarious joke because I mean, I'm old. I can barely turn my cell phone on in the morning. So starting a blog was like, are you kidding me? You know, the bar, the blog started out being four pages. Honestly, God took me four months to do that. I mean, I do something. I have no idea what that means. I'd have to go research it, figure it out. You guys got, probably done it in 15 minutes, but for me it couldn't do it. So I started a blog and then. After I had my leg amputated and before I started chemotherapy, I wrote my book and now I'm putting together a membership program. That's kind of loosely based off of my book. So I'm doing that. We're scheduled to go live June 1st with that. So I think you have to have a purpose. You have to have something to do. Life has to have more of a meaning that I'm just going to sit around and feel sorry for myself. You know, we're all going to experience pain in our lives. It doesn't have to be cancer, pain, or even any kind of an illness. It could be any, you break up with your boyfriend or your girlfriend, or, you know, you get into drama on the way to work, or, you know, you don't get the promotion at work that you think. Pain is inevitable suffering. On the other hand, sufferings optional suffering is what you do with that pain. You take it and use it to make you a stronger and more resolute individual. Or do you wallow in it and feel sorry for yourself and want other people to feel sorry for you? It's your choice.

Bobby:

Right?

Bento:

Right, right. That's terrific.

Bobby:

How do you advise people who do find themselves kind of stuck in that wallow? You know I'll talk about myself. I know that I find it difficult to get motivated quite often and right. And I think that that's a, a real challenge.

Terry:

It certainly is. And I mean, and you guys were looking at me right now. There's no S on my chest. I do not wear a Cape fly around magical Bowers. So, you know, absolutely not. I'm a human being. I have bad days. I have down days, dark days, days I cried days. I feel sorry for myself. And I'll, I'll give you whenever that happens to me. I think of two stories. Hang with me on this one. The first story is about a study that I read about back in the 1950s with a professor at Johns Hopkins university. And this professor took rats and he put them in a tank of water that was over their head and he wanted to see how long those rats would tread water before they would sink and drown. And the average rat treaded water for about 15 minutes. And just as the rats were getting ready to go under, he reached in, grabbed them, pulled them out, dried them off and let them rest for a while. And then he put those exact same rats in that same tank of water. And the second time around those rats on average treaded water for 60 hours. Now think about that first time, 15 minutes. I'm just not gonna, you know, Hey, this is not good. I'm going to die. I'm going to sink and drown and die. Second time around 60 hours, which said to me, two things. Number one, the importance of. In our life. We have to believe that whatever we're doing or whatever we want to start, or wherever we want to go is eventually, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not a month for now, maybe on a year from now, but eventually it's going to get us to where we want to be. So that's the first thing. And the second thing was just how much more our physical bodies can handle than we ever thought that, you know, everybody's got a breaking point, but that breaking point is so much farther down the road than we ever think it is. So that's one story. And then the second story, you know, and, and everybody's talking about Navy seals these days, but this is, this is true. My wife works with the young man. Who's a former Navy seal. And on my off weeks, he calls me just to check up on me and see how I'm doing. And we talk about all kinds of things. And one of the things we talk about from time to time is what the seals call their 40% rule, which basically says, you know, if you're at the end of your rope, if you're done, if you can't go on, and these are some of the toughest men in the world, You're only at 40% of your maximum and you still have another 60% left to give to yourself. So whenever I get into those dark places and I do, I think of those two stories and they kind of helped me to refocus and realize I can still keep moving forward.

Bobby:

That's outstanding. I, and it, I have a a fellow friend as well, who is an active Navy seal. And I have heard so many of those stories where it really just becomes a, a kind of a mind over matter situation. And it's, it's all about breaking through that, that point of, you know, where your body's just ready to quit, but you can keep it going with your mind. It's pretty incredible. And so that those are, those are fantastic stories. And so tell us a little bit, tell us a little bit about your book that you wrote here. I'm sorry, what was it? I have the name written down sustainable. Sustainable excellence, the 10 principles to leading your uncommon and extraordinary life. Tell us a little bit about that book and kind of how it came to be and you know, kind of the core subjects of it if you wouldn't mind.

Terry:

Sure. So the book was really born out of two conversations. I had one was with a former player that I had coached, who moved to Colorado, where my wife and I lived with her fiance. And one night the four of us had dinner. And after dinner I kind of turned to her and I said, you know, I'm really excited that you're living close and I can watch you find and live your purpose. And she got real quiet for a while. And she looked at me and she was like, well, coach, what do you think my purpose is? I have no idea what your purpose is, but that's what your life should be about. Finding the reason you were put on the face of this earth and then living that reason. So that was one conversation. And then I had a young man in college, reach out to me on social media and he asked me what I thought were the most important things he should learn not to just be successful in his job, excuse me, or in business, but to be successful in life overall, I didn't want to give him the, you know, get up early work, hard, help, you know, all the things that we've, we've heard for years. I wanted to see if I could go a little bit deeper with them. So I thought about it for a while. I took some notes. Eventually I had these, these 10 thoughts, these 10 ideas, these 10 principles. And so I sent them the principles and then I kind of stepped back and I was. Well, I've got a life story that fits underneath this principle, or I know somebody whose life emulates that principle. So literally during the time after I had my leg amputated and before I started chemotherapy for the tumors in my lungs, while I was healing, I sat down at the computer every day and I built stories. And they're real stories about real people underneath each of the principles. And that's how sustainable excellence came to be.

Bento:

How many stories do you have in that?

Terry:

Roughly? Oh, a bunch. I mean, each, each principle is a chapter. So I mean, I've got all kinds of stories, all kinds of sayings. And it's fun for me as an author. You know, when people read the book, there's always one prince, each chapter is a principle or each principle is a chapter. And, and there's, there's always one chapter that resonates with the reader and, and I wrote all 10 of them and there's one that resonates with me and I'll, I'll share it with you because I've, I've done this. Probably more than I care to admit over my life. And the chapter is titled this. Most people think with their fears and their insecurities instead of using their minds. And I know I've done. I mean, especially, you know, it's like, Hey, I should do this. Oh, wait a minute. Maybe I'm not smart enough. Or maybe I'm not good enough. Or what if I fail? What are people going to say about me? That's thinking with your fears and your insecurities. That's not thinking with your mom. I mean, if I know this is a good thing for me, but I don't do it because I'm thinking with fears and insecurities that that's not good for me, but I think we all do that from time

Bobby:

to time. Absolutely. I know I do. For sure. Yeah, definitely.

Bento:

Yeah. And it's all about like risk calculation too though. You know what I mean? Let's not so much the fear. Sometimes. Sometimes it's weighing, weighing the pros and cons of a decision. No. I think that I used to do this for me, that weighs a little more heavier. Like when I, because I, like you said, I kind of do the fear and insecurity as well, too. Like no risk, no reward though. Right? Right. Yeah. It's true.

Terry:

I

Bento:

mean, it is an interesting philosophy for sure.

Terry:

It is. And I, and I try to, especially for younger people, I always say, if there's something in your heart, something in your soul that you believe you're supposed to do, but it scares you go ahead and do it because at the end of your life, the things you're going to regret are not going to be the things you did. They're going to be the things you didn't do. And by then, it's going to be too late to go back and do them.

Bento:

So

Bobby:

how do you, how do you advise people to find their purpose?

Terry:

I think a couple of things. I think one, you've got to, you know, w we talk about purpose and, and a lot of times purpose leads us to set goals. What are goals in life? You know, how am I going to do these goals to get to my purpose? I think the, the, the, the part that we forget, or the part that we don't pay attention to, which I think you need to do before you start developing goals, is to determine your values. What's important to you, you know, what are you? And I don't know if anybody, I mean, there might be some people that can answer that, you know, what would you lay your life down for? What's important enough, you know, what do you believe in enough that you're willing to risk everything to do? And if, once you determine your values, determining your goals is so much easier because you've already, you know, you align your values or you're aligning your goals with your values. And then, you know, we're all good. That's something we all have interests in something. So I always suggest to people, you know, what, what is it that's out there that you have either some knowledge about or some interest in that if you didn't step up and do it, wouldn't get done. And you know, when you can find things like that, then I would tell you to pursue that. Now that may not be your purpose. And I guess maybe I should step back for a minute. A lot of times we think our purpose or our why, or passion or whatever you want to call, it has to be our job or a profession or occupation. It doesn't, you know, your, your job could be something you do over here to pay the bills, but your purpose is to write or to coach or to do podcasts or whatever you feel it is. So don't feel like, well, you know, if I don't get up everyday and go to work and it's not my, it doesn't have to be, but I think you need to find your passion by what are your values. What is out there that you have an interest in that if you don't do it, isn't going to get done and then put your goals around those. And then I think you're down the road to your passion, but, but here's what I'm going to say. To end this, don't get excited or don't get upset, or don't get frustrated if you're in your twenties or your thirties or your forties or your fifties, and you haven't found your purpose yet. So many people quit and they give up. They're like, you don't want, I'm comfortable the way I am. I want, and I always use this example because I love, I love the chicken. Colonel Sanders founded Kentucky fried chicken. Now, I don't know if that was his purpose of life. I'm going to assume it was after he retired. He was in his sixties when he founded that franchise. So if he would've given up in his thirties, We would never have Kentucky fried chicken. So don't feel that if you don't have it now that, Hey, it's just too late, I'm too old. You know, I can't do it. You can, you can keep going. It's

Bento:

really good advice. I'm 41. I mean, it's not old, but I feel like career wise, it kind of is. So I, you know, sometimes I can't really fathom, moving on with my career, do something else. I mean, I don't hate what I do, but it's also interesting to say that, you don't have to define your self worth or your value by the job you do. Right? Because like not everybody gets to do what they want to do. That's just, that's a harsh reality of life. So it is important. Do the things that you find purpose in, that is in your nine to five job every day. Cause it is tough to, to disassociate that, it's like, it feels like, this is my job as the way I do. So like, this is who I am and it doesn't have to be. So that that's, that's really good.

Terry:

And think about what you just said. I mean, when, when I ask you, you know, a, Hey Joe, you know, what do you do? I mean, you'll probably the first thing you'll lead with is I do this for a living. Right. Of course. Right. You know, I mean, and that's, that's how we identify, which is why, whenever I meet new people, I always ask them, what do you do when you're not working?

Bento:

Yeah. Right.

Bobby:

I've heard, I've heard as well that I'm in, like, that's an American thing. When, when people say, what do you do that in American response is. Well, you know, your occupation, but in some European countries, what do you do is like, what are your hobbies?

Terry:

I heard that

Bento:

because it will slave away their life over there working like we do over here. And that's what I always thought

Bobby:

was, was a very interesting kind of, kind of difference. They get lots of time off the mentality, you know, of, our country versus many other countries is, you know, we are

Bento:

here to work, right. Even my wife and I like to watch like travel shows and things like that, and like all the cultures and it's always amazing to see. People that live in even third world countries like, you know, in Ethiopia or they, you know, they live in a house with a dirt floor when they see America and they see the type of stress that everybody is under every day because of bills and the car payment and credit card debt. And they're, they can't fathom how much stress that we have over the things that we have over here. So it's just kind of one of those, you know, it's like, you don't necessarily need all those things to be happy.

Terry:

You don't, and, and it's it's ended. My brother is a Catholic school president Catholic high school. He was a principal for a number of years. It's it's the Marist brothers school in Chicago. And, and he's, he's kind of the, sort of the patriarch he's, he's been doing this the longest and that, and, and one year they asked him to go to Guatemala, to look at the Marist high school in Guatemala. And he said, I got off the, you know, talk about a third world country. I got off the plane, you know, at the airport at like 11 o'clock at night. And there was nobody in the airport, except all these soldiers with, you know, AKA's and stuff like that. We were put into a car, you know, w in kind of a convoy, you know, every business we passed had an armed guard in front of it. We went to the Marist compound and then the next day we went up into the mountains to the Marist school and he said, I'm talking to the principal. And he said, you know, how do you deal with, you know, bullying and fighting and depression and all the things that we deal with here in American said, the principal looked at him like what you. He said, well, no. How do you deal with, you know, bullying and fighting a depression? He's like, we, we don't have that stuff here. He said, you know, these kids understand that this education is the only way they're going to get their family out of living in a hut with a dirt floor that has no running water, no air conditioning, no heat and all that

Bobby:

kind of stuff. Kids every day. Yeah,

Terry:

exactly. It's like, you know, they work, you know, they go to school till three o'clock and then they're in the fields until dark and they do, that's just the way it goes. Hmm.

Bobby:

That's an, and I always think that that's such a, you know, such a, a concept, right? So the concept of looking at someone else, somebody else's life and saying, okay, look, people have it way, way worse than, than I do. Right. And so, and so, I mean, there's no denying it, right. That's absolutely true, but I find it difficult and I find it. Most people. I know, I think would say that when you're in that moment of being, you know, down on yourself or Hey, like I'm not smart enough to do this or, or where the case may be, that in those moments, it's very hard to look outside yourself and say, well, listen, like this really isn't that bad, you know? And so how do you advise people to kind of navigate that?

Terry:

I I'd say that's another way that I sometimes try to get myself out of those dark spaces. Is it, you know, when you're, when you're doing that, you're right. You're looking inside and woe is me and, you know, my life sucks and this is terrible and all that kind of stuff. And I think, you know, if you understand my cancer journey, you'd probably say, yeah, your life does suck in a lot of it. But what I found is that if you can, if you can take that on what was me, I'm looking into her. And projected externally, like, you know, I I'm, like I said, I go to the hospital every three weeks. I can find somebody that's worse off than I am. You know, I can find somebody that's much closer to dying than I am. And then, you know, just go up to them and Hey, how you doing? You want to have a cup of coffee? Do you want to just talk? Or, or now all of a sudden I'm not focused on me anymore. Now I'm focused on another human being. And if you do that, all of a sudden things aren't as bad, you know, it's like, Hey yeah, this bag, man. I thought I had a bad, this guy's got a real, I mean, you don't say that obviously, but at the same time, you're, you're helping somebody else. You're, you're, you're making a difference. And I've always believed since I was a little kid that, that our purpose in life is to. You know, to serve ourselves, if you believe in God, to serve our God, to serve our fellow man. So can you make a difference in somebody else's life? And if you can't and I know you can't do it, I don't care how dumb you are. I don't care how ugly you are and all that kind of stuff. It doesn't matter. You can make a difference in somebody else's life. And I guess I'll end it with this. I think the thing that I find absolutely hilarious, especially with younger people, is that, you know, there's this attitude of, Hey, it's all about me. You know, I'm this. And yet, somehow they care that somebody said, man, that top you wore to school today was ugly or you're stupid or you're whatever. I'm like, wait a minute. If it's all about you, why do you care? What other

Bento:

right. I mean, that's the definition of being cool. Right? And say, well, what makes you cool? Well, what makes me cool is I don't give a dilly squat. Well, you think about me. Yeah. Ultimately like you say, if you care what people think about you, then you're obviously not the man or whatever. You're trying to portray yourself as,

Terry:

right. I mean, you're unique. You have your unique gifts and talents. Why do you, why are you comparing yourself? I, our daughter recently got married. Our daughter's a graduate of the United States air force academy and is an officer. And a couple of years ago, she was like, you know, this guy I graduated with he's worth $10 million. And I'm like, why are you getting all upset about. That's his life. That's the life he's supposed to live. That's obviously not the life you're supposed to live right now. So why are you comparing yourself to a fellow classmates? I mean, you're, you're supposed to do your thing. Find your purpose and live your life and you do that. You'll be happy and stop comparing yourselves to other people. And even though

Bento:

this guy's got $10 million, I mean, he could be the, one of the most miserable people you ever meet, just because you have money doesn't mean that you're happy. Right? Yeah. And that's something, that's something the kids don't realize yet. You know, it, it, it takes, it takes time to learn that because it's the only thing, we're ever really attracted to in this country is his money and your job. And, you know, whoever's got the most money has the biggest house. Like they win and that's kind of what these kids see. So it takes a little time. I learned my lesson the hard way as well, when I realized that, you know, what I, to make a lot of money to be super

Terry:

happy. Right, right. Yeah. I mean, you know, and no matter how much money you have when you die, you can't take it with you. So,

Bobby:

and to go back to to what you were saying about you know, being at the hospital and, you know, grabbing somebody else for a cup of coffee, I think it's something else too, like that sense of community just isn't felt among, amongst the younger generations and you know, the instinct to do that. I think. Almost somewhat unique to you, Terry, that, that I don't know many people who would take that, but I really love that idea of, you know, by connecting with your fellow man, like that's your distraction is your distraction. It should be to go help somebody else. And especially

Bento:

in that situation, you know, you're in a, you're in a cancer treatment center. Like you're surrounded by people who need, hope, take this bad news with them and have that, that cloud over their head. So that's, that's incredible. It really

Terry:

is. Well, thank you. I, I just, I may, maybe it was the way I was raised. It just, I know it works, you know, because like I said, I have those ugly days. I have those dark days. I have those days when I feel sorry for myself. And I do find when I stopped looking inward and I look outward, how can I make a difference in somebody's life? All of a sudden I'm feeling better. So I know what works and I guess I would suggest to your audience. What do you got to lose? Try and see how it works. You

Bobby:

right. Reach out. We'll reach out to somebody. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

Bento:

Well, it was awesome, Terry thanks a lot for coming on. Thanks to teaching two dumb dudes about trying to stay positive in this, in this crazy world right now. So, you know, we know you got some membership service coming out. So if you just want to tell your buddy what you got going on right now and where, where they can find.

Terry:

Sure. So I, you know, like I said, I started this blog a few years ago. It's a little bit more than four pages now, and it's a little, a little more professional because I've learned a lot. But it's called motivational check. I put up a thought for the day, every day with that thought usually comes a question about maybe how you could apply that thought in your life. On Mondays. I put up the Monday morning motivational message, which a lot of times it's a video or a story or something like that. A motivational check, we'll get you my social media links. You can leave me a message there. You can get access to my book. So motivational check.com will get you.

Bento:

Awesome. And what do you got released in on June 1st,

Terry:

June 1st, I'm putting a membership together off my book the chapters in my book, it's going to delve a little bit deeper into the sort of why the how and the, what of, of each of the chapters. In addition to, there's a bunch of, of a bonus videos that I've put together. There, there's a group coaching calls where, you know, you can talk to me, ask me questions, things like that. So it I'm, I'm trying to make it as user-friendly as possible and have people get as much good information out of it without totally overwhelming them. I think that's the, on a lot of memberships, it's like, oh my God, there's so much content in it. Then people quit the membership because it's like, I'm so far behind, you know, so I'll give you enough information, but I'm not going to overrule. Awesome.

Bobby:

Terrific. Well, thanks again, Terry. Thank you so much for coming on and talking to us again. I, you know, I'll say for myself that I think you're a super, super impressive person and it is really been awesome speaking with you and meeting you. And I wish you absolutely nothing but the best of luck as you go forward. And I wish you the absolute best.

Terry:

Thank you both for having me on. It's been fun talking with

Bento:

you. Take care. Thanks, bye.

Bobby:

Excuse me.

Bento:

Get it all out. That's what I'm trying to. All right. It was a

Bobby:

green. No.

Bento:

Alright, here we go.